When last I visited this space I complained that political attack ads insult my intelligence. I have received a few comments, most in agreement. But one reader indicated that they want to know the “skeletons” in a candidate’s past before they decide their vote.
So, I decided to write an attack ad against a fictional candidate for Congress. I’ll call this fictional candidate, uh, Jim Shrader.
(Open with meaningless sound effects and dark, ominous music. Announcer emphasizes bold words.)
“Jim Shrader says he wants to represent you in Washington. Let’s see what he REALLY stands for:
-Jim Shrader never served his country in the military and actually avoided the draft.
-This so-called “businessman” has worked for companies that sold out twice and even worked for a company that filed bankruptcy.
-The “liberal newspaper” he operates regularly and openly criticizes your elected officials for how they spend your money.
-This high roller smokes imported cigars and drinks beer brewed by a company owned by multi-millionaires based in Belgium.
-This flamboyant, twice-divorced playboy openly wears a chain, a ring and a bracelet he bought from street vendors in Mexico.
Do you really trust Jim Shrader to represent YOUR “family values” in Washington?”
Paid for by the Committee to StopShrader, Dewey Cheatam, Treasurer.
OK – how was that? I sound like a real bum. Now let’s analyze the attack:
-Jim Shrader never served his country in the military and actually avoided the draft.
True. I was in college when I turned 18 in 1972 and had a college deferment. And, due to a high number in the Draft Lottery that year I was not drafted.
-This so-called “businessman” has worked for companies that sold out twice and even worked for a company that filed bankruptcy.
True. I have worked for a newspaper company that has been sold twice, but I didn’t work for them when it happened. And two companies I’ve worked for filed for, and emerged from, reorganization bankruptcies.
-The “liberal newspaper” he operates regularly and openly criticizes your elected officials for how they spend your money.
True. I guess “liberal” is open to your opinion, but in our editorial opinions we do regularly question and criticize how government spends tax dollars (that’s your money, folks).
-This high roller smokes imported cigars and drinks beer brewed by a company owned by multi-millionaires based in Belgium.
True. Know any cigar smokers? Check their cigar bands. I’ll bet you they were made in the Dominican Republic, Honduras or Nicaragua. And that millionaire controlled beer from Belgium? That would be Busch Light.
-This flamboyant, twice-divorced playboy openly wears a chain, a ring and a bracelet he bought from street vendors in Mexico.
I can’t argue with the twice-divorced, that part is true. Flamboyant or playboy? Not guilty. And the chain, ring and bracelet? It was purchased from Licensed street vendors in Puerto Vallarta while on vacation with my girlfriend.
Now my question to you: Could you stand the scrutiny of an attack ad copywriter? Take what you hear with several grains of salt and a healthy dose of skepticism.